Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Santa's Undies Might Be in a Bunch, But He's Jolly

Santa's Undies Might Be in a Bunch, But He's Jolly
By Irma Givens

The stats prove that the number of people struggling with depression, during the holiday season, is extremely high.  Could it be the result of family members who have died before us, the cost of the holidays and the economy or perhaps it's our expectation of what it felt like as a child.  The answer could be one, some or all of those mentioned.  As children, it's the best time of the year.  The shopping is not our duty, paying the bills is not our responsibility but the magic of it all belongs to every child leading up to that special moment on the morning of December 25th each and every year.  Well, as adults it plays out a little differently.

Once you become an adult, the magic somehow starts to fade.  Your focus is no longer on the jolly guy in the big red suit for you've now met him.  You understand the story behind it all and for many you wish to simply put Christ back into Christmas and dismiss all the hassle and headache of shopping, wrapping and eventually paying for gifts.  Once you reach a certain maturity you begin to understand there are some things that are far more important than material goods.

During down economic times, especially, people are forced to make some sacrifices and a large number of consumers are still spending more than they can afford only to please everyone on Christmas day.  The children would be disappointed not to receive gifts.  However, these "grown folks" need to step up and say this year we cannot do what we have done so many years before.  We need to come up with a new way to express our love and gratitude this year.  Who knows you might just be starting a new family tradition among the adults in the family.

Just like Santa, in the photo above, check your pockets and if the only thing you feel are your undies bunched in your rear, straighten them out, smile and be jolly...this too shall pass!  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours!  May the holiday season be filled with peace, love, happiness and prosperity. Don't let anyone or anything take the joy out of the season.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

What Makes Us Help, When It Hurts?



What Makes Us Help, When It Hurts?
by Irma Givens
             
If you continue to lie there, you will continue to be walked on.

           We tell ourselves it is a new day and I will not continue to help those who continue to hurt and disappoint me.  Soon we find ourselves right back there helping them again and again.  The question we need to answer is what makes me continue to help, when it hurts so much. 
            How many times have you found yourself in this position?  Knowing that you are a helper and you have a burning desire to help others.  However, the same selected few seem to hurt you over and over again.  Could it be the satisfaction that we get from helping, the love and attachment we have to this person or these people or is it that we make ourselves believe that this time will be different?  Whatever it is, we need to get to the bottom of it so that change can take place.
            The first thing that we must accept is that we can’t change anyone other than ourselves.  The next thing is that others will only change when they have a sincere desire and the will power to make those changes.  The third thing, if we keep doing the same thing, we will keep getting the same thing.
            We are the common denominator, the enabler and ultimately we are the only ones that have the power to change the situation.  We have always being the doers, even when we said oh I’m not doing this again.  We continue to be sucked into helping one more time.  We know the outcome before we step into it, yet we step on in anyhow. 
            To those looking in from the outside, we are being fools because we continue to allow them to take advantage of us.  Your very kind nature has become a weakness as it relates to these relationships in your life.  As you cry through another painful experience, another point of disappointment, you somehow think why do they keep treating me this way? What am I doing wrong? Why can’t they love me as much as I love them? They just don’t care about me or how I feel!
            Those feelings are real and some of them valid.  However, we must focus on the “I” questions taking responsibility for our part in all this.  Why do “I” keep allowing this to happen? What is it that “I” need to do to change it? Do “I” need to discontinue this relationship? Can “I” help in a way that will not cause me pain & disappointment? Can “I” love and support them in another way? What can “I” do to make me feel whole? Can “I” forgive and move forward? Am “I” an enabler?
            Once you begin to focus on you, you begin to feel better and see things a little differently.  Rather than simply placing the blame, you are taking responsibility for your actions which will empower you to make the necessary changes.  Perhaps this has been happening to you for years, the difference is now you are fully aware of it, empowered to change it and you can own it.  Take the steps needed to heal your hurt.  You may fear what will happen to our relationship.  It’s ok, look at what’s happening in your relationship now.  Everybody was not intended to be with you every step of your journey.  Some folks have reserved seats on another flight and during a layover, such as this one right here; they will board a different plane.
            Take care of yourself, first! When others do not value you for who you are and the contributions that you make in their lives, perhaps you need to re-think the value of the relationship.  Keeping in mind this goes for all relationships.  Many times we allow our family members to get away with everything and we justify it by saying they are family.  No, family needs to honor, respect, love and care for one another too.  Family is not a free pass to treat you like crap! 

Thursday, November 3, 2011

What Gets You Fired Up...

www.IrmaGivens.com
What Gets You Fired Up In All Cylinders?
By Irma Givens

     Today I am totally fired up and ready to get it done, my purpose that is.  My first social media post of the day read, "Good morning! No matter which side of the bed you woke up on, it does NOT matter. You are equipped with everything you need to serve a greater purpose. Hold your head high, put your armor on, set your eyes on victory, block distractions, dodge negativity, aim high & keep marching! Let's get it done!!!"

     I had to ask myself a number of times, OK more than a small number of times, what is it that gets me all fired up.  Initially, I had all these random and even petty answers that really did not answer the question.  So, I kept asking and kept searching.  I evaluated what things I liked, which ones I really liked and noted those that I loved.  Soon I was able, not only to put my finger on what I was passionate about but, I was able to tell others.

     There is something that just makes you smile brighter, walk taller, laugh louder, jump higher and want to sing and dance in the aisles.  That something, no matter what it is for you is the something that you need to be doing.  Even if only part-time initially that's a great place to start.  You might be asking yourself, how do I do that.  Well, perhaps the first step is to find someone who is doing that thing that you have a desire to do and volunteer, seek that individual as a mentor and gain as much knowledge as you possibly can about it. 

     Don't hesitate, begin seeking your passion and your purpose today.  Time wasted cannot be regained.  Besides don't you want to start doing what you love right away?  I know from experience there is no greater feeling than doing what you love and living life on purpose with passion.  It's a freedom like none other.  So, I urge you to put down this article and get started now.  Here's to you living your life on purpose!!